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Who doesn't love head-banging Scandinavian cellists?

It's the last week of the regular season in the Mexican Primera's Apertura, and lots of teams still have a ton to play for. Only the top two seeds in Liguilla are settled and only the current top five are guaranteed to be there in some capacity. A total of 12 teams are mathematically alive, with 10 having a very good chance to get in. I was going to slack off and only preview the games that really matter this week, but literally every game has something at stake. So, I'll be previewing every match, but in order from least important to most important. This should aid those of you with short attention spans.

No. 9: Monterrey vs. Chivas de Guadalajara

Saturday, 6 pm ET. TV: Telemundo

With Monterrey locked into the second seed and Chivas having the smallest chance of advancing to Liguilla out of all remaining mathematically alive teams, this was an obvious candidate for least important match of the week. The good news for Chivas is that Monterrey will likely rest a lot of their star players, like Humberto Suazo. The bad news for Chivas is that, reserve squad or not, their strikers can't hit the broad side of a barn. Even if they do find a goal, are all the teams in front of them likely to screw up? Not really. 

No. 8: Morelia vs. Puebla

Sunday, 1 pm ET. TV: Azteca America

Morelia get the distinction of playing the more important match than Chivas just because they have a better mathematical chance of advancing and they're playing an opponent they can beat. But that doesn't mean this match will be better than the less important Monterrey-Chivas fixture. Monterrey's reserves play good football and are very watchable. Morelia-Puebla, even if Miguel Sabah scores a hat trick, will have effects on your body similar to those of Ambien. Seriously, I'd rather watch a scoreless Monterrey game than a three-goal Morelia game most of the time, and I'm not even a Monterrey supporter. Morelia should take three points from this one to put pressure on Toluca and Pumas, the teams in the Liguilla race that also play on Sunday.

No. 7 Santos vs. Estudiantes Tecos

Saturday, 8 pm ET. TV: Telefutura

OK, so technically Santos have less to play for than Chivas and Morelia. However, I refuse to call games featuring teams who have scored 13 and 14 goals, respectively, more relevant than a game featuring a team who has scored 27. It would be an insult to the football gods. If Santos win their match against Tecos, they will pick up the all important fourth seed. In the first round of the Mexican Liguilla, if the two teams are tied after two legs plus 30 minutes of extra time, the higher seed advances. So, to ensure they don't have to deal with being the fifth seed, Santos will probably field close to their best side and beat lowly Tecos into a bloody pulp.

No. 6: Cruz Azul vs. San Luis

Saturday, 6 pm ET. TV: Azteca America, Fox Sports en Español

The cool thing about Cruz Azul's home games being on both Azteca and FSE is that people who have one channel but not the other can still watch their games. The thing that sucks about Cruz Azul's home games being on both Azteca and FSE is that I have neither channel and whoever runs the illegal stream I watch every week happens to have both. He flips between the two channels like a jackass trying to figure out which one is farther ahead, as if I give a damn. San Luis have a chance to take the third seed in Liguilla if they get a little help from Club America alongside their own positive result, which they should get. Cruz Azul are locked into the the top spot, so expect to see a lot of first teamers rested. Then again, Cruz Azul plays their starters in CONCACAF Champions League, so who knows.

No. 5: Atlas vs. Tigres de la U.A.N.L.

Saturday, 9:45 pm ET. TV: Not Telemundo, they'd rather show soap operas than Atlas

So, while this game is super-duper relevant thanks to Tigres' current sitting in the table, it isn't on television. Atlas' home games are generally shown by Telemundo, but soaps probably pull bigger ratings. Tigres really should win this game to clinch themselves a Liguilla berth, but stranger things have happened than a possible Tigres slip-up away to Atlas. Los Zorros have made life tough on Tigres' Liguilla rivals Pachuca and Jaguares in their last two matches, even though they lost both. Tigres would not be wise to take this match lightly.

No. 4: Toluca vs. Atlante

Sunday, 1 pm ET. TV: Telemundo

Currently in 10th place, Toluca are on the outside looking in. Once seemingly a Liguilla lock, the winners of the last tournament have taken only one point from their last three games and now need help from their competitors to return to Liguilla. The first half of the equation that gets them into the postseason is a victory, and they should be able to get that at home against a poor Atlante team. Johan Fano, by the way, is responsible for 56.25 percent of Atlante's goals this tournament. I was surprised it wasn't higher.

No. 3: Quaretaro vs. Jaguares de Chiapas

Saturday, 6 pm ET. TV: Telefutura

Jaguares really only need a draw against Quaretaro to seal their place in Liguilla, thanks to their massive advantage over their competitors in goal differential. Against the league's second most porous defense, they should be able to do that and more. However, poor as they may be, Quaretaro are good for a random rabbit pulled out of their hat once in a while. For instance, two weeks ago, they were able to score a stoppage time winner against Pumas after their opponents had seemingly scored a permanent equalizer. The good news for Jaguares is that their slip-ups against bad teams have come in the form of draws, not losses. 

No. 2: Necaxa vs. Pachuca

Friday, 9 pm ET. TV: Azteca America, ESPN Deportes

Don't look now, but the perceived 2010 Apertura masters of the epic f-up have won their last two consecutive matches against bad teams. Can Pachuca make it three in a row tonight against Necaxa? Actually, until their last two matches, Necaxa had been really difficult to defeat at home. Their home record was a bit of a house of cards, though, as they're a pretty average (at best) side. They've scored 13 goals this season and it seems highly unlikely that the second coming of Hugo Rodallega is going to apparate out of thin air. Yeah, that was a Harry Potter reference. Get over it. The Tuzos should probably pull this one out.

No. 1: Club America vs. Pumas de la U.N.A.M.

Sunday, 5:30 pm ET. TV: Telefutura

Holy crap, it's a match where both teams have something to play for! America is looking to win Group Two and take the third seed in Liguilla while Pumas are just looking to get to Liguilla, period. This will probably be the only match where both teams play the best squads that are available to them and go 110 percent. Luckily for us viewers, it's the last match of the week and it's on all by itself. The Pumas defense continues to be absurdly schizophrenic and it's difficult to predict what they'll give us from one week to the next. The same can be said for America's attacking players, but they've been more consistent than the Pumas defense. That difference will probably be the deciding factor in this one, and I like Vicente Vuoso to add to his current tally of eight goals. 

Predictions

Monterrey 0, Chivas 1

Morelia 1, Puebla 0

Santos 2, Tecos 0

Cruz Azul 0, San Luis 1

Atlas 1, Tigres 2

Toluca 2, Atlante 0

Quaretaro 1, Jaguares 3

Necaxa 1, Pachuca 2

America 2, Pumas 1

That means I'm predicting Liguilla will look like this:

No. 1 Cruz Azul

No. 2 Monterrey

No. 3 Club America

No. 4 Santos Laguna

No. 5 San Luis

No. 6 Jaguares

No. 7 Tiges

No. 8 Pachuca

Well isn't that boring? Apparently, with the results I've predicted for this week, the standings will remain unchanged. I actually hope I'm wrong, I want some serious final round drama, complete with crazy unpredictable awesomeness. Regardless, there should be some great football in Mexico this week, and it will be interesting to see how the Liguilla takes shape.

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